So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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