Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
