Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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