I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
