Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Randomize
