I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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