I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
