since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
