i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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