Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
