I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
