I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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