It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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