So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
