I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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