i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
