69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
