I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
