I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
