I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
