Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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