Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you traded sex for a burrito?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
where are my eyebrows?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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