She is in my trunk
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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