You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I would fuck him just for his dog
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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