Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
