So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
