The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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