If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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