Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
