I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
