Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
