a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
