Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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