Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
