i would punch a child for taco bell
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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