Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
