Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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