thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
