i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
