Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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