woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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