id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
