no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
