It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
