Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I can't put those talents on a resume
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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