but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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