but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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