Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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