So drunk its hurt
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
