Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize