she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
