The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
organizing the empties. That sober.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
