So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
