I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
