Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
