She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
high people should be assigned attendants
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
