I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
