After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
