Already got asked if we're dating
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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