he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
