my soul wont recognize me after tonight
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
