Cold hands, warm shart.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
