she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize