I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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