What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
