He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
