No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
