that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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