About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
