O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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