me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
