Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize