did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
