Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
