yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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