Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
