I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im at strip club and am horny
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
